6 Creepy Urban Legends (That Happen to be True) Part 3!
As we’ve already proven twice that friend of a friend people keep hearing things from may not be as full of shit as you always thought, so get ready as Cracked once again makes you wet yourself with cold hard facts.
The Deadly Elevator
The Legend:
The metal doors clamp down on a hapless victim, who can do nothing but scream in terror as the elevator dings and begins to rise, shearing off their head or limbs as it does. We’ve watched scenes like this in enough movies that we all have that twinge of panic as the doors start to close on us as we try to catch an elevator. But surely this kind of thing doesn’t happen in real life. There are safety measures, right? Right?
The Truth:
Well yes, there are, but for whatever reason they were of no help to Dr. Hitoshi Nikaidoh on August 16th, 2003. Why didn’t the elevator open again, or shut down when the doctor became pinned between the doors at the shoulders as he was getting on? To this day nobody’s exactly sure, but inspectors have suggested the tragedy may have been caused by a single out of place wire. Think about that little morsel next time you’re debating whether to take the elevator or the stairs.
As the doors held Dr. Nikaidoh in place like a vice, the elevator began it’s ascent, slicing his head in two at mouth-level, leaving only his left ear and lower jaw attached to his body. Found that a little nauseating to read? Well suck it up, and try to imagine how the nurse who was already in the elevator and had to spend up to an hour in a blood-soaked box with the good doctor’s head felt. We’re surprised they didn’t find her scaling the elevator cables like John McClane in scrubs to get the hell out of there after 5-minutes.
The Deadly Elevator
The Legend:
The metal doors clamp down on a hapless victim, who can do nothing but scream in terror as the elevator dings and begins to rise, shearing off their head or limbs as it does. We’ve watched scenes like this in enough movies that we all have that twinge of panic as the doors start to close on us as we try to catch an elevator. But surely this kind of thing doesn’t happen in real life. There are safety measures, right? Right?
The Truth:
Well yes, there are, but for whatever reason they were of no help to Dr. Hitoshi Nikaidoh on August 16th, 2003. Why didn’t the elevator open again, or shut down when the doctor became pinned between the doors at the shoulders as he was getting on? To this day nobody’s exactly sure, but inspectors have suggested the tragedy may have been caused by a single out of place wire. Think about that little morsel next time you’re debating whether to take the elevator or the stairs.
As the doors held Dr. Nikaidoh in place like a vice, the elevator began it’s ascent, slicing his head in two at mouth-level, leaving only his left ear and lower jaw attached to his body. Found that a little nauseating to read? Well suck it up, and try to imagine how the nurse who was already in the elevator and had to spend up to an hour in a blood-soaked box with the good doctor’s head felt. We’re surprised they didn’t find her scaling the elevator cables like John McClane in scrubs to get the hell out of there after 5-minutes.
While Dr. Nikaidoh’s story was certainly gruesome, he’s far from the only one to have been done in by an elevator mishap, as around 30-people are killed by elevators each year. Yes, 30 people a year have to die while listening to elevator muzak. If there’s a God out there he’s one cruel bastard.
The Case of the Killer Collar
The Legend:
A man shows up at a bank, and informs the tellers that he’s very sorry, but he’s going to have to clean the place out. You see, around his neck is an explosive collar that will deposit his brains all over the walls unless he robs the bank. A film favourite, explosive collars have made appearances in movies like Battle Royale and Transporter 3, but could this kind of Jigsaw killer-esque plot exist in real life?
The Truth:
On a day like any other in late August 2003, pizza deliveryman Brian Wells was about to end his shift when a fateful order came in. The directions given to Bryan led him to a winding deserted dirt road that ended at a lonely TV tower. Now most people upon arriving at the spooky deserted road would have just tossed the pizzas in the ditch, but not Brian Wells. He was dedicated to his minimum wage delivery job.
What exactly happened on that dirt road is still subject to debate, but what we do know is that around an hour later he reappeared at a nearby bank, with a strange collar around his neck, a homemade shotgun shaped like a walking cane in his hand, and a note demanding a quarter million dollars in cash. While supposedly all those responsible for putting the collar on Brian Wells have since been caught and charged, the wacky walking cane shotgun leads us to believe that there may have been another perpetrator that hasn’t yet been brought to justice.
The Case of the Killer Collar
The Legend:
A man shows up at a bank, and informs the tellers that he’s very sorry, but he’s going to have to clean the place out. You see, around his neck is an explosive collar that will deposit his brains all over the walls unless he robs the bank. A film favourite, explosive collars have made appearances in movies like Battle Royale and Transporter 3, but could this kind of Jigsaw killer-esque plot exist in real life?
The Truth:
On a day like any other in late August 2003, pizza deliveryman Brian Wells was about to end his shift when a fateful order came in. The directions given to Bryan led him to a winding deserted dirt road that ended at a lonely TV tower. Now most people upon arriving at the spooky deserted road would have just tossed the pizzas in the ditch, but not Brian Wells. He was dedicated to his minimum wage delivery job.
What exactly happened on that dirt road is still subject to debate, but what we do know is that around an hour later he reappeared at a nearby bank, with a strange collar around his neck, a homemade shotgun shaped like a walking cane in his hand, and a note demanding a quarter million dollars in cash. While supposedly all those responsible for putting the collar on Brian Wells have since been caught and charged, the wacky walking cane shotgun leads us to believe that there may have been another perpetrator that hasn’t yet been brought to justice.
Unfortunately for Brain he was about as good at robbing banks as he was at avoiding obvious horror movie set-ups, and was apprehended by the police in the parking lot. The cops quickly discovered the collar, but just took it for a stylish ticking fashion accessory, and didn’t bother to call the bomb squad for nearly half an hour. By the time the bomb squad did arrive, the collar had gone off, blowing a “postcard-sized” hole in Wells’ chest.
The police found a list of tasks on Well’s body, each of which were to be completed in a set period of time or the the bomb would go off. Poor Brian was doomed from the start though, as it was later determined it would have been impossible for him to execute all the tasks even if everything had gone according to plan. He simply hadn’t been given enough time. These are the kind of tragedies that happened before the world had Google Maps.
The Body Farm
The Legend:
Near where you live there very well may be an isolated patch of land covered with unburied corpses, some of them posed, or even stuffed in car trunks, rotting in the midday sun. Is there a serial killer on the loose? Has the gravediggers’ union gone on strike again? No, in fact what’s going on here is, surprisingly, completely legal.
The Truth:
You won’t see much mention of this on CSI since it would take away from the usual 30-minutes devoted to David Caruso putting on and/or removing his sunglasses, but body farms are becoming an increasingly important tool for forensic scientists. These patches of land have bodies scattered over them by scientists so they can study how bodies decay under a variety of conditions.
The Body Farm
The Legend:
Near where you live there very well may be an isolated patch of land covered with unburied corpses, some of them posed, or even stuffed in car trunks, rotting in the midday sun. Is there a serial killer on the loose? Has the gravediggers’ union gone on strike again? No, in fact what’s going on here is, surprisingly, completely legal.
The Truth:
You won’t see much mention of this on CSI since it would take away from the usual 30-minutes devoted to David Caruso putting on and/or removing his sunglasses, but body farms are becoming an increasingly important tool for forensic scientists. These patches of land have bodies scattered over them by scientists so they can study how bodies decay under a variety of conditions.
Think checking out the local body farm sounds like a fun weekend excursion? Well if you live around Knoxville Tennessee, San Marcos Texas or Cullowhee North Carolina, you’re in luck, because that’s where the country’s three body farms are located. The one found in Knoxville is the oldest and most elaborate, covering 2.5 acres and containing 40 to 50 bodies at any one time. If there’s not one near you yet, just wait, as scientists are looking to start new body farms faster than Wal-Mart opens new stores, with some hoping for a future with a body farm in every state. Because apparently the way bodies rot in Nebraska is completely different than in Iowa.
Now, check out this video of a kindly grandfatherly type showing off his collection of molding cadavers and discussing wearing human skin gloves.
Now, check out this video of a kindly grandfatherly type showing off his collection of molding cadavers and discussing wearing human skin gloves.
The Chainsaw Suicide
The Legend:
A man decides to use a chainsaw to end it all in an incredibly gruesome (and honestly kind of awesome) way.
The Truth:
So David Phyall, a 50-year old British man, really really didn’t want to leave his apartment block, which was set to be demolished. Alternative accommodation was offered to him 11-times, but David just wasn’t taking. One by one all his neighbours moved out, leaving David the one holdout rattling around in a condemned apartment building all on his own.
Something had to give and it turned out that something was going to be David’s vertebrae. See David had a plan that was definitely going to cost him his safety deposit, and make a hell of a chore for the cleaning staff. David tied a chainsaw to the leg of a table, laid down with his neck against it, set the saw on a 15-minute timer, then took a stiff drink. David’s plan, and head, went off without a hitch.
A superior asked the police Sergeant that found Phyall if discovering the body was a shock to him.
"In some ways it was sir" replied the Sergeant reportedly.
He was promptly fined by the British police for being too bloody excitable and not showing proper stiff upper-lippishness in the line of duty.
The Call from Beyond the Grave
The Legend:
People receive numerous calls from a loved one, only finding out later that the person calling them has been pushing up daisies for hours. Believe it or not, it’s actually happened (texting from beyond the grave on the other hand has yet to be verified).
The Truth:
On September 12th, 2008, a California commuter train ran through a red warning light, crashing into a freight train, killing 25 people. The family of Charles Peck, knowing he was on the train, watched the news with dread waiting for news of his fate—and then they got a call. Then another, and another, all from Charles’ cellphone. One family member after another was called, with Charles’ cellphone sending out 35 calls in total, at which point, ghost calls or not, we’re sure they just started letting the things go to voicemail.
The police managed to find Charles’ body among the wreckage by tracking his cellphone signal, but it was not a happy reunion. Brian was dead, and to this day how those calls were sent remains a mystery. Now, how about some irony with your creepy? Guess what the train’s engineer was distracted by when he ran past that red light? Yup, in a twist that would be cut from a Twilight Zone episode for being too cheesy, it was his cellphone. God’s not only a cruel bastard, but a hack horror writer as well apparently.
"In some ways it was sir" replied the Sergeant reportedly.
He was promptly fined by the British police for being too bloody excitable and not showing proper stiff upper-lippishness in the line of duty.
The Call from Beyond the Grave
The Legend:
People receive numerous calls from a loved one, only finding out later that the person calling them has been pushing up daisies for hours. Believe it or not, it’s actually happened (texting from beyond the grave on the other hand has yet to be verified).
The Truth:
On September 12th, 2008, a California commuter train ran through a red warning light, crashing into a freight train, killing 25 people. The family of Charles Peck, knowing he was on the train, watched the news with dread waiting for news of his fate—and then they got a call. Then another, and another, all from Charles’ cellphone. One family member after another was called, with Charles’ cellphone sending out 35 calls in total, at which point, ghost calls or not, we’re sure they just started letting the things go to voicemail.
The police managed to find Charles’ body among the wreckage by tracking his cellphone signal, but it was not a happy reunion. Brian was dead, and to this day how those calls were sent remains a mystery. Now, how about some irony with your creepy? Guess what the train’s engineer was distracted by when he ran past that red light? Yup, in a twist that would be cut from a Twilight Zone episode for being too cheesy, it was his cellphone. God’s not only a cruel bastard, but a hack horror writer as well apparently.
Shrunken Heads
The Legend:
Head shrinking has been the subject of legend, jokes and old Looney Tunes sight gags for ages, but the practice couldn’t actually be real, could it? It’s just one more bit of bullshit white people made up about folks a shade darker than them, right? Well…
The Truth:
Head shrinking was in fact a real thing, practiced mainly by tribes located around the Amazon River basin. For those looking to throw the perfect head shrinking party, here’s the recipe:
Make a cut on the back of the head, then painstaking peel all the skin and flesh from the skull. Sew the eyes and mouth shut, then boil the flesh up good, dry it with hot rocks, then mold it back into a head-like shape. Viola! A handy miniature version of the guy you nailed with that arrow last week!
While head shrinking was real, it was quite rare even amongst the tribes that practiced it, that is until collecting shrunken heads became the Pogs of the late 19th century. The shrunken head trade actually became big business, with numerous South American and Polynesian tribes (most of whom never shrunk heads in the first place) going to war with one another just to collect heads. In a tactic that was amazingly dickish even by white people’s extraordinarily low standards when it came to dealing with natives, traders would give the tribes guns in exchange for the shrunken heads, ensuring a steady supply of new product.
The sale of shrunken heads continued in the United States for years until it was finally officially outlawed sometime in the 1940s. Yes, as late as the 40s people still thought it was cool to trade human face jerky. By the way, wondering what price was put on a human life back then? How about 25 bucks a pop? Yeah, people paid as much for an actual human head then as a modern day head shrinker charges every half hour to listen to you babble about your childhood while he writes out his shopping list.
Nathan Birch also writes the always disgustingly cute webcomic Zoology.
Nathan Birch also writes the always disgustingly cute webcomic Zoology.
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